The Daily Foxx: The Next Box of Smokes

I encountered a young girl the other day. She was under 18 and very tiny, frail and young.  She needed money. to book herself into a shelter.  There was something innocent about her.  I encounter many people asking for handouts.  So at first I dismissed her. Told her I didn't have much myself.  She nodded and quietly walked away.  After awhile it struck me.  Just couldn't shake the feeling of something sad but innocent inside of her.  The feeling of dying hope but hanging on that last thread.  I had to offer something at least.  So I followed her only to find the security guards having her removed because begging is not allowed in the complex.  She quietly left.  paced up and down on the outside and headed to toward the beach after a short while. 

I ran after her and gave her some money.  I usually don't like giving money because I know that sometimes beggar buy drugs etc so I rather give some food.  But I made an exception this time. She thanked me and I told her that the beach area was not safe to walk around at night.  She looked at me and didn't say much.  But I knew that look was one that said she didn't have much choice.  She hardly spoke or demanded anything.  Most beggars are persistent but she was mostly quiet.

It kills me that what I had done for her was not much.  Her problems were bigger and I offered a temporary solution.  How does a young girl whose mind is not fully developed to handle and over come despair?

We all go on with our daily lives.  I go home after a long day at work, light a cigarette,  sometimes play a little on the playstation and have various thoughts about my life.  Here is a young girl with not much of a chance,  no home, no place to go.  Her clean clothes suggest that she just got into this rut.   So i smoke my cigarettes and kick some ass in Mortal Kombat and  all that time a young girl, if not now mostly likely in the near future is going to be attacked on that beach front and probably will sleep on the streets most nights.  But I go on with my life...

It saddens me.  It makes my heart ache.  That I'm just going to have to carry on.  That most people live their lives drinking, smoking parties, social scenes etc while the next human, the next child is getting hurt and losing whatever innocent light they were born with.

Most Sundays I try to do some form of charity work.  But I wonder if it is enough.  I wonder if it is enough and I'm going to buy my next box of cigarettes.

The Daily Foxx : The Love Game

Love. My ultimate desire.  I watch people fall in and out of love.  Once in a blue moon I get caught up in the whole love game.  Not very often though.  Most of the time I don't feel much towards another.  I never seem to feel a connection. I have had people try, some have even tried for a couple of years now but nothing.  I feel nothing. I can't seem to find my magic story in their eyes.  But sometimes, just sometimes comes this person.  It is like something about them that just stops me in my tracks...but nothing manifests from it.  I just get caught up in this stupor only to be disappointed. 

Watching people go on with their lives.  Watching love ebb and flow in their lives, watching them reach new levels of happiness,  the ecstasy in their smile and voice,  watching them in turmoil when they hit that hard rock and watching them fall in love again...and in all that time of seeing this, I am alone.  So I go out, I mingle and meet people. But nothing. I feel nothing.  No connection. Empty!

Then I get caught up in my own life.  Just when I comprehend that I am indeed alone and that is just the way things are along comes this person who sets off the fireworks in the sky,  that ties knots in my stomach when they are around and makes me feel like i have drank too much beer and I'm dazed when they leave.  He start to see me with wonderment and amazement.  He slowly creeps up and becomes significant in my life.  Slowly the wheels are set in motion.  I finally start enjoying the ride and I set myself free and enjoy this feeling...he's gone...I'm sitting by myself again.