Part 7: Party Monster

In high school I had made three new best friends but got particularly close to one.  Little did I know I would be living with this buddy of mine.  I couldn't afford much and travelling was too tiring so I agreed to share rent in a space that meant I would not have my own room.  I crashed in the lounge and since I didn't sleep much in the first place I didn't see a problem with this.  Most of all I needed to be in Durban and away from ST. ANGER. I shared a place with my best buddy, his flatmate and a girl that he battled to get along with.

My best buddy and I got along just fine.  Sharing high school memories, being nerds, superhero fan boys to shout out reaction quotes to particular happenings around us, we were great together, we were the "Dude Where's My Car, The Harold and Kumar goes to White Castle," boys.

Then there was the girl, who later became known as, "she whose name cannot be mentioned."  Now mouse and her did not get along at all.  Being in the dark about the history of her character, little was revealed at a time.  Eventually she moved out before I could comprehend the full force of her character. (We played around with binding and banishing evil spells, perhaps this was the reason).  It concerned me little though since a whole new adventure was about to unfold.

In the first place I lived - "The Hot City Apartment," I discovered my first gay boy infatuation, the nightclub atmosphere of the notorious 330 on point, which came with the discovery of the world of ecstasy.  Falling in supposedly love, being high, sensual hot body massages of glistening sweaty bodies and vibrating bass surging through your entire being while on this little pill that I had once thought I would never touch.

Cleaning up my act and moving away from the world of drugs and forming little fantasies with straight college boys that I would smile sweetly and speak softly too with hopes of the pages turning and unfolding into a Mills and Boon Novel. Yeah right!!! it never happened but I had to believe that in a college filled with students surely there had to be other boys waiting to embrace romance.  I mean the club and drugs certainly lead to nothing but blurry lines of disappointments.  But alas, nothing came of it.  Now I found myself in a whole new area.  Redefinition of my character since I was more experienced and now in a place of somewhat freedom to embrace the ball of trapped energy that lay dormant.  

I became a fully fledged Goth.  The make-up, the jewellery and the accessories and next to find the avenue to express the sub-culture.  It all happened one gloomy night whilst walking down a dark path, (It was actually brightly lit with street lights and crowds of people), a strange but fascinating girl dressed in a Kimono looked up at me and said, "I think you belong in here..."

To be continued...

   

Q7: True Love - Karmayogi

"True romance never dies or diminishes.  Rather it grows in charm with the passing years. Only that which pretends to be romance can die." - Karmayogi

Borderline (Part 4)

Travelling got really tiring.  I would get home too late in the night and have projects to work on and have to get up really early to make it on time for the lift club.  The vampires had gotten to me and sucked the life out. 

On campus I met a couple.  A lesbian couple. I was intrigued by their love for each other and by this point my fantasy that the city would have had romance to offer by now had turned into a fading light. I wasn't meeting that many gay people so nothing much was happening in that department of my life.  The girl looked a bit like an Indian version of Buffy the vampire slayer.  I just had to start a small conversation or say something...

This then lead to a friendship and eventually I was being offered a room to board.  My excitement grew but my main focus was the hand that held the brush.  Since love had lied to me I consumed my heart with the love of creativity and with all the battles of not being able to afford things my graphic design studies had already suffered well enough.  Being tired on top of all the worries was not helping with the wrought iron gates to the Tertiary education world.

So back in the Hot City and living in a very residential area I began the next chapter of my journey....

from the haunted room, to the haunted house...oh and i forgot to mention that I also moved to another farm town for a short period to do a bit of admin work, to a city apartment and back on the road travelling to and from...to eventually landing a little room in a little residential area.

My time there had some highlighted moments but in my blood I knew it wasn't going to last long....

To Be Continued... 

The Daily Foxx : The Love Game

Love. My ultimate desire.  I watch people fall in and out of love.  Once in a blue moon I get caught up in the whole love game.  Not very often though.  Most of the time I don't feel much towards another.  I never seem to feel a connection. I have had people try, some have even tried for a couple of years now but nothing.  I feel nothing. I can't seem to find my magic story in their eyes.  But sometimes, just sometimes comes this person.  It is like something about them that just stops me in my tracks...but nothing manifests from it.  I just get caught up in this stupor only to be disappointed. 

Watching people go on with their lives.  Watching love ebb and flow in their lives, watching them reach new levels of happiness,  the ecstasy in their smile and voice,  watching them in turmoil when they hit that hard rock and watching them fall in love again...and in all that time of seeing this, I am alone.  So I go out, I mingle and meet people. But nothing. I feel nothing.  No connection. Empty!

Then I get caught up in my own life.  Just when I comprehend that I am indeed alone and that is just the way things are along comes this person who sets off the fireworks in the sky,  that ties knots in my stomach when they are around and makes me feel like i have drank too much beer and I'm dazed when they leave.  He start to see me with wonderment and amazement.  He slowly creeps up and becomes significant in my life.  Slowly the wheels are set in motion.  I finally start enjoying the ride and I set myself free and enjoy this feeling...he's gone...I'm sitting by myself again.

The Foxx and the Imagination Lab: Someday...

Someday I want my feet to be dangling in mid air, high above the earth and when I look down I see the tiny people and they won't be able to see me from such great heights of the cable cart rides and I would look at my partner in his gentle eyes and mark this perfect moment when he leans forward.  The cable cart sways gently but I know I could not be more safe and when he kisses me I will be able to say, " I kissed you at the top of the world"

Someday, when I'm out in the rain and it showers intensely, so much so that I could feel every drop and know it's history, its journey, its story as it fell from the heavens and made its way to the earth, to me. I'll stand in the rain and smile at my partner as the lightning flashes from behind, lighting up his rain kissed skin.  I'll watch as each rain dropped story falls and runs down his face,  from around his eyes, the tip of his nose, his lips...I'll gaze at him, into his eyes and I will know his story without him saying a word.  I lean forward and kiss him...in the rain and the entire world will stop.  Every sound will be drowned out except for his gentle breathing and the music of his heart.  Everything, every natural life chaos, every other persons music, noise or sound fades in the distance.

Someday, I'll drown in his arms as he wraps them around me as though we share the same space and time....

The daily Foxx

So I played scrabble and actually won!  I kicked ass and finished off the game with a seven letter word, scoring an extra 50 points :)

Mr Quitch is in purgatory.  The ridiculously, amazing wuv story has come to a halt and we are all keeping our fingers crossed.  Love is a weird thing, with a weird personality.

Quitch had decided after a series of unfortunate nightmares on car crashes which coincided with Mr Tree's real life car crash landing him (Mr Tree) in hospital...The link?!?  Mr Tree and Mr Quitch had, once upon a time, shared the same space and time and until one day Mr Quitch decided to end the story.  Years later, after keeping their distance to allow for the healing process to work some sort of magik, a car crash had brought about a reconnection.  Wuv was definitely supplying chocolate to the candy factory but nothing was set in stone...Now the confrontation of the " What are we doing here, together..." has brought about the need to face the unspoken demons of fear, trust, letting in or letting go...

Mr Bo' Rai Cho has moved in with us. Nice to have a third person around,  but the name says it all I guess. (Bo' Rai Cho: Spanish).  It is really nice having him around even though...

So our PS3 was stolen. which sucks! Because I finally bought Mortal Kombat vs DC.  Life! Sigh!
When the game was released I waited for nearly a years to play it but had no console. After getting the console, I couldn't get the game and now I have the game but no console. Argh!!!!

Back at the design factory...

So Ms Daffy Duck decided to complain to the bosses that I wasn't answering work calls.  I had answered every call but missed one...just one call out of her gazillion calls bout the same thing. Redundant or not, I had sucked it up and spoke politely.  One trip to the loo and just to say hello to a friend leading me not to be near earshot range, had set off Hiroshima.  But It's all good. Took care of the problem easily.  Facing your demons and annihilating reluctance or avoidance does wonders!!!

Okay, I'm listening to this song playing at work and I'm liking it...Rhianna...We fell in love in a hopeless place...........What's happening to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Art of Words : Pt 1 BLACK SEA

This is a poem I wrote years ago. I've changed a lot since then...

Black Sea

I'll put my heart

In a pretty black box

Seal it with a bitter kiss

And a silky black ribbon

Never to be opened again

Never to be broken to shame

Consumed by the dark

Let it blossom black roses 
And rest in its holy grave

For those who walk over it

Shall shiver and be bruised

Then only will they leave it alone...

In the dark

My beautiful, little black heart

Looking back at this, I realised how terrified I was of LOVE, getting hurt, emotions and mostly the extent of having expansive emotions...for me at the time, it was to be as defencive, put up walls and destroy any form of feelings by constantly reaffirming the notion that I didn't need LOVE.