The Daily Foxx: My Little Adorable Monsters!

Mowglie is dead. 

One Sunday afternoon I got a strong smell that permeated the thick baking summer air.  At first I just thought it was cat food.

Looking in the green, oozy pond I noticed that black fish lay turning-silver-side- up.  It was sad.

I often enjoy watching animals eat.  There is just something about it.  There contentment with food.  The fact that it comes from you makes them all flustered inside.  It's enjoyable.  I used to watch Mowglee, the strange, the black, amongst gold,  frog-eyed fish with fins that looked like fabric wrapping around the contours of moving air.  The dancing delicate delight had been crawling through oozing grind, hiding under shady spots because the sun was speaking volumes of fire in the water.

Fish are delicate to their environment.  I had asked Mr Bo' Rai Cho to clean the pond because I do not know how to and didn't want to hurt them.  I'm not even sure if he has been feeding them properly.  I sometimes feed them and love watching them all surface to peck at the flaky bits and they swim around doing an almost rain-dance as the fish food falls from the heavens.  Now the fish lay still.  It's black scales turning silver.  Looking at it, I could feel the life-form i once saw was now an empty shell.  The light was gone.

I got this lecture from Mr Bo' Rai Cho that I was not to feed his cat.  He then met Mr Bear an hadn't been at home for a whole week. In that time there was no one else but me to feed Coraline's-Cat.  So Coraline's-Cat has become attached to me.  I play with him and feed him and talk to him.  It's amazing!!! The feeling of an animals love is spectacular.  He meets me most nights at the gate and walks me in.  I usually have a beverage and take a seat and Coraline's-Cat usually  jumps up and does his massage paw technique that i have discovered cats do when they are happy.  He then lays on my lap and sleeps for awhile.  One night he woke up and started licking my arms.  Like cats do when they clean themselves.  As grotesque as that sounds it was actually magical.  The love from animals is a light that is as bright as the sun.

Coraline's-Cat has the flu for weeks now and he's starting to puke.  He is also getting quite thin and often looks at the door of the room in which Mr Bo' Rai Cho sleeps waiting for him to come home.  I feel bad.  The poor cat needs him and needs his love, the love from the one who took care of him when he was a little kitten.

So I have decided to start taking things into my own hands instead of complaining about it.  Cleaned the pond and dusted Coraline's Cat with flea powder etc etc
It is actually a cool experience so I'm grateful to Mr Bo' Rai Cho  for giving me this opportunity and I understand that he still has a lot of soul searching to do...in the meantime I have these beautiful pets to admire and take care off :)  My little adorable monsters!

The Daily Foxx: The Next Box of Smokes

I encountered a young girl the other day. She was under 18 and very tiny, frail and young.  She needed money. to book herself into a shelter.  There was something innocent about her.  I encounter many people asking for handouts.  So at first I dismissed her. Told her I didn't have much myself.  She nodded and quietly walked away.  After awhile it struck me.  Just couldn't shake the feeling of something sad but innocent inside of her.  The feeling of dying hope but hanging on that last thread.  I had to offer something at least.  So I followed her only to find the security guards having her removed because begging is not allowed in the complex.  She quietly left.  paced up and down on the outside and headed to toward the beach after a short while. 

I ran after her and gave her some money.  I usually don't like giving money because I know that sometimes beggar buy drugs etc so I rather give some food.  But I made an exception this time. She thanked me and I told her that the beach area was not safe to walk around at night.  She looked at me and didn't say much.  But I knew that look was one that said she didn't have much choice.  She hardly spoke or demanded anything.  Most beggars are persistent but she was mostly quiet.

It kills me that what I had done for her was not much.  Her problems were bigger and I offered a temporary solution.  How does a young girl whose mind is not fully developed to handle and over come despair?

We all go on with our daily lives.  I go home after a long day at work, light a cigarette,  sometimes play a little on the playstation and have various thoughts about my life.  Here is a young girl with not much of a chance,  no home, no place to go.  Her clean clothes suggest that she just got into this rut.   So i smoke my cigarettes and kick some ass in Mortal Kombat and  all that time a young girl, if not now mostly likely in the near future is going to be attacked on that beach front and probably will sleep on the streets most nights.  But I go on with my life...

It saddens me.  It makes my heart ache.  That I'm just going to have to carry on.  That most people live their lives drinking, smoking parties, social scenes etc while the next human, the next child is getting hurt and losing whatever innocent light they were born with.

Most Sundays I try to do some form of charity work.  But I wonder if it is enough.  I wonder if it is enough and I'm going to buy my next box of cigarettes.

The Daily Foxx : The Love Game

Love. My ultimate desire.  I watch people fall in and out of love.  Once in a blue moon I get caught up in the whole love game.  Not very often though.  Most of the time I don't feel much towards another.  I never seem to feel a connection. I have had people try, some have even tried for a couple of years now but nothing.  I feel nothing. I can't seem to find my magic story in their eyes.  But sometimes, just sometimes comes this person.  It is like something about them that just stops me in my tracks...but nothing manifests from it.  I just get caught up in this stupor only to be disappointed. 

Watching people go on with their lives.  Watching love ebb and flow in their lives, watching them reach new levels of happiness,  the ecstasy in their smile and voice,  watching them in turmoil when they hit that hard rock and watching them fall in love again...and in all that time of seeing this, I am alone.  So I go out, I mingle and meet people. But nothing. I feel nothing.  No connection. Empty!

Then I get caught up in my own life.  Just when I comprehend that I am indeed alone and that is just the way things are along comes this person who sets off the fireworks in the sky,  that ties knots in my stomach when they are around and makes me feel like i have drank too much beer and I'm dazed when they leave.  He start to see me with wonderment and amazement.  He slowly creeps up and becomes significant in my life.  Slowly the wheels are set in motion.  I finally start enjoying the ride and I set myself free and enjoy this feeling...he's gone...I'm sitting by myself again.

The RE(a)D Fox 2011

You Need This Book To Get What You Want
Mark Palmer & Scott Solder

Well to be honest the book started off on a good note but I lost interest very easily and quickly.

When I first got the book I didn't like the title and what it suggested. I dunno, just thought it meant using psychology rather than true and good intentions to get what you want.  Further reading and I started to understand it and it made a lot of sense.  It was mere dynamics of how the brain functions and using that knowledge you could get what you want.  So I got into it but at this point I feel like  following such rules can make life dull.  All you really need is actually good intentions and a good heart and the rest will follow.  I have decided to continue reading since there is no knowledge that is not power.  Learning how the brain works and all its weird dynamics can be amazing too.

Some of the things I have learnt already :

If you try something three times and it does not work you got to find another way.

I learnt about Internal dialogue.  How to understand your internal dialogue and change it to a more positive one.

How to overcome fears and teach your brain to understand that the actual fear is a manifestation of a conceived notion by the brain of something that has not happened yet.

How making a pros and cons list can bring to surface the unconscious mind which has already made a decision where as the conscious mind seems to procrastinate that decision based on logic, environmental factors, people and preconceived logic.

Breaking the habit.  Realising that a habits give you certain benefits and trying to get the same benefits by forming new and positive habits and replacing the old ones with these can help you overcome destructive behaviour patterns.

Autopilots - we have an internal mechanical thinking processor that automatically performs tasks to give way for us to focus on other things.  These autopilots do not understand logic or reason so sometimes bad autopilots are formed.  Finding out which autopilots are useful and which are not can help you to be more productive.

 

The Howling Foxx Compilation for 2011

Ace Of Base - Barfly

One of the many songs that I was listening to in 2011 is Barfly by the Ace of Base.  The song kicks off very mono tone which I thought could sound boring but if you understood the song itself you would start to understand that it's meant to have a lingering feel to it in order for you to relate to the shady character they sing about.  The climatic points of the song match the individuals rise in enthusiasm when he thinks his method is getting him somewhere.  So I thought it is a smart song. It is unpolished because it's a demo but I really got into it for awhile.

I also found the subject matter very interesting and since I did work behind a bar I certainly could relate to it.

 I don't like the drugs but the drugs like me - Marilyn Manson

The lyrics of the song are fascinating and can be easily misinterpreted.  Manson uses shock value in order to move one to question and think about the way we choose to live.  Breaking the borders of ridged conformity and thoughtless ways. 

"Norm life baby,  We are white and oh so hetero and our sex is missionary..."
I like the fact that he says, "oh so hetero"

When he sings this line it almost sounds like a play on words, singing out "hetero - sexual."

White - Heterosexual - Missionary : What we are taught to believe is the right way of living to a point where we forget to even think and look at what we really feel on the inside.  The conformed majority then dictate to the world of what is considered to be normal.

"we are quitters and we're sober and our confessions will be televised"
  The video features a very Jerry Spinger type of show with a lady who is pregnant with a TV.  SOoooooooo cooooooool and sooooooo smart!!!!!!!!

" You and I are under dosed and we ready to fall.
Conformity drummed in by society can be like a drug.  We are under dosed and so everything on TV and adverts etc are there, constantly brainwashing you with fear...
We are told whats beautiful and whats not,  what to wear and how to behave.

" pays to be stupid, taught to be nothing at all"
When we don't conform we are labelled as outcasts and misfits. We are given medication like anti-depressants and told that something is wrong with us.  The less you think for yourself the better your life will get the greater the consumer you become.  Buy this product and your life will be better.

 "God is white and unforgiving and we're pissed tested and we're praying"

 Very derogatory but true.  People have used religion to make God seem filled with wrath and vengeance, he punishes and strikes down those who question his word and way.

 Forgetting that all Jesus ever preached was love and caring for the next.  Jesus himself stood side by side with a prostitute and when she was to be stoned he said that he who is sin free shall cast the first stone and nobody could.

" I'm just a sample of soul made to look just like a human being..."

I tend to use this line a lot.  I often don't feel connected to anything or anyone.  I play a role in peoples lives but i don't feel like they are apart of my life.  Which is okay. I've learnt to be good on my own and happy at the same time. I'm not exactly everyone's cup of tea but they do appreciate me and I guess that is good enough. Makes me feel better in thinking it is alright not being connected to their world if I wasn't really human.  Hee hee

"We are rehabbed and we are ready for our 15 minutes of shame"
Going back to the whole Jerry Springer theme.  People have problems with their lives and humans have found a way of making a mockery of it by broadcasting on TV for the world to see.
Instead of focusing on being happier we focus on the ego.

" Norm life baby,  we're talk shown and we're pointing just like Christians at a suicide..."
Christian preach of not judging yet they constantly look down upon others for not living up to their ideals.
The line once, again is really offencive but like I said Manson uses shock value and imagery to get attention.

The song has an undertones of Gospel feel to it with a bunch of woman singing in a church like fashion. 

" I don't like the drugs but the drugs like me "

Finally the title of the song is just oh so Manson.  :)

We take away the responsibility of our thoughts, words and action by blaming it on the devil.  That it really isn't our fault at all. 

Jimmy Eat World - The Middle

A song for the underdogs.  I consider myself to be an underdog but by choice.  I don't really care, to a certain extent, of what the world thinks of me.  I have reason for why I choose to live my life the way I do.  Rather a freak on leash than a cow following the heard.  Hee hee

But in someways we are all weird and different, i just choose my right not to be afraid to exercise that notion and express it to the world.  Sometimes however I'm not even aware that what I'm doing is what the world considers traits that need to be swept under a rug. 

Other times I do care in the sense that my ways have set me apart from everyone.  Over the last few years I have been working on my perception.  Somewhere along the lines of choosing not to be afraid of being considered strange, my perception got warped into seeing the world as a monster with jagged teeth.  I am very aware of that fact, that it is all in my head.  So I have taken steps to improve my perception.  Alas, however I have understood that many care intensely for me and value and respect me.  Which I'm grateful for but I'm still very disconnected from the world.  I often feel like I was unplugged when I was born.  My projection in contrast with who i really am seems to be out of sync and it keeps people away.  I'm still very defencive and protective over myself and my autopilots kick in to push people away.  It's really hard work trying to make these adjustments but I have made immense progress (and without Prozac, hee hee)

This song is all about that.  I often feel so content after hearing this song :)

Rebel Heart - The Corrs

I think the violin is a magical instrument that sets off waves of emotions and can take you on a journey far and beyond.  This song is so powerful and so in sync with tune of the heart.

 ...and finally to wrap things up from the howling foxx

 Included in on of my favourite bands of all time is THE SMITHS

There is a light that never goes out

Lyrics:

Take me out tonight

Where there's music and there's people

and they're young and alive

Driving in your car

I never never want to go home

Because I haven't got one

anymore

Take me out tonight

Because I want to see people

and i want to see life

Driving in your car

oh please don't drop me home

because it isn't my home, it's their home

and I'm welcome no more

and if a Double-Decker bus

crashes into us

to die by your side

is such a heavenly way to die

and if a ten-ton truck

kills the both of us

to die by your side

well the pleasure - the privilege is mine

take me out tonight

take me anywhere, I don't care

I don't care, I don't care

and in the darkened underpass

i thought oh God - my chance has come at last

but then a strange fear gripped me

and I just couldn't ask

Take me out tonight

oh, take me anywhere, I don't care

I don't care, I don't care

driving in your car

I don't want to go home

because i haven't got one, dum da da...

Oh, I haven't got one

and if a Double-Decker bus

cashes into us

to die by your side

is such a heavenly way to die

and if a ten-ton truck

kills the both of us

to die by your side

well the pleasure the privilege is mine

oh there is a light and it never goes out

there is a light and it never goes out

there is a light and it never goes out

there is a light....

i was watching 500 days of summer and Zoey Dechanel sings it in the elevator and the song just became magical all over again.  I heart the Smiths :)

Quotes of 2011

So last year I found a few inspirational quotes:

Quote 1:  God is LOVE live in LOVE

There are many religions and many beliefs out there.  Love and truth is what my personal spirituality is based on.  That's what I try to aspire too.  When I think of God I think of the Divine as pure light,  truth and love.  I don't want to follow any particular religion because there are truths in all and ultimately being a more loving being is the most universal religion one can practise.  It sounds easy. Just be loving...but it's not... when one considers human nature.

Real love knows no want, no need, no anger.    How often do we forget this.  When you first fall in love we get into a stupor. The person becomes the most admiral being we have ever met.  Their flaws become beautiful.  When we get comfortable with them, it suddenly changes.  "You don't spend enough time with me or it annoys me when you do that."  Suddenly love changes to wants and needs. 

Getting angry, wanting and needing from another makes us forget to look through the eyes of the other person. To except their flaws and to understand them. 

Real love just gives, without wanting anything in return.  That is unconditional love.  That, to be honest can be difficult to practise.  It just takes a second when someone could upset you, to get your senses heighten and emotions to be stirred.  Taking the "I" out of everything can be difficult when trying to run your life correctly in a materialistic world.  Aspiring to be a more loving being is harder to practise then it is to say you are loving.

The closer I get to practising being more loving the closer I feel I get to GOD.

Quote 2:  Master the mind and be a master mind

Another quote from Sai.

The reason I chose this quote as a follow up to the first is simply because as I mentioned being more unconditionally loving requires you to give up wants and needs and desire.  So it is the senses that one must learn to control.  It  is ours senses that boils up and overflows that makes us lose control and brings us to misinterpret situations and react.  Learning to control the mind from short impulses based on the immediate interpretations of the senses requires discipline.  Hence ...master the mind and be the master mind

Quote 3:  Suffering Succotash

Okay so yeah all these quotes floating around in the world, I needed one that is simple and fun and takes away all that....

So thanks Sylvester.

So to end things off, here is one last quote from last year.  Thanks Super J

Makes me feel like I can conquer anything :)