I started exercising and meditating again but this time I want to be more disciplined. I am determined to get a good body and a clear mind … the ultimate self involved threesome combo for a special being…mind, body and spirit.
I listened to some music, because music is the food for emotions and the gods for ear drums.
Playlist of a selection of Ace of Base demos, the timeless Alanis Morissette , twisted with dark tones from the Awakening, some old fan favs like Bryan Adams and Mel C to classic masters of sound Depeche Mode and Linkin Park. (PS. I'm not exactly a Bryan Adams fan, so don't add me to the fan list).
Barfly seems to be at the top of the list, mostly because I found this track recently and it’s a demo I haven't heard of before. The song has humble beats, warm mellow vocals, a quiet secretive lingering despair and undertone happiness in climatic points of the song.
The song is about a person who hangs around this bar. My interpretation is that he is this lonely, sad guy who is part of the club for “nobodies” who pretends to be a part of the “somebody’s” club. This comes from his unnecessary leaching of the limelight, his pretending to be something he’s not and come on, let’s be honest, we all know a guy like this…the one who is also the last to leave the bar as the last song fades to a finish, asking for a last round in a scratchy over smoked voice and no compassion.
Barfly is an unusual topic to sing about so I was very intrigued and surprised how Ace of Base managed to keep their signature sound on a topic like this. Then again the AoB have always had a signature sound…you know, when you hear a song and go “that must be an Aob song.” I like them because there music is innocent and clean.
What makes this powerful is that even if you don't believe in God, if you are a loving person you are a godly person.
I've decided that there are things that I want changed in my life. The age of the Aeon for me has been highlighted more so than it has ever been. You know the time has come when you get depressed from being tired of being depressed…and no, I'm not taking Prozac and the only reason I bragged about it when I did, was so that I could truly say “ I don’t like the drugs but the drugs like me”
Hey, don't judge, we all have quirky little shallow needs…that is mine! And Prozac did contribute to me getting to this point of self realisation. So like I was saying, if I tried something three times and it hasn't worked I'm going to try a new way. Like Einstein once said that it is a crazy man who tries the same thing over and over again and expects a different result.
Another thing I'm doing, which I started for a long time now but it seems to ebb and flow out of my morning schedule is to be grateful for at least 10 things.
This week I have made it a “must “to do one thing, at least one thing differently.
Humans have a tendency of forming habits. The first time you light a cigarette it gives you relief and de-stresses you. Your brain then tells itself that this is pleasure and one must obtain pleasure once more so that one achieves happiness. Happiness to your brain means you are surviving; you need the cigarette to survive, to cope with this stress and prevent you from annihilation. In other words, it’s not interpreting death…risks of cancer, deterioration of the lungs etc. This pleasure or relief out ways pain because pain has not been recognised yet. This is a point when, each time you light this cigarette you hope to achieve the pleasure you had when you first had a smoke. By doing one different action a week you teach your brain not to form habits or gives the brain power to overcome habitual actions and instead you can have choice…I still smoke but by choice…but I assure you this piece of information has made a difference, in my evolution.
So yeah, I smiled through the day and at everyone. There were a few moments when I felt tangled so I decided to venture off to my secret little place. My get away place, a place away from all the noise and allows me to recuperate my energies and remind myself that all is well and I need not lose control of my senses for this will achieve nothing.
Imaginarium Dr Parnassus
I learnt that there are two types of desires, one which is mere indulgence, almost like a romance with material things and the latter being indulgence in desires which is narcissistic and destructive without considering the consequences of others and ultimately yourself.
Perception is your reality. Altering the perception alters the reality. Imagination, belief and pure intent make your reality amazing.
Hound Dog
You are born with beauty, greatness and goodness, your choices and environment changes your being. Sometimes it creates holes in your soul but if you go back to your essence of purity you can overcome these holes. The power always lies in choice.
Decided to catch a movie at the cinema – Super 8, Steven Spielberg, JJ Abrams…
The lead character is always gentle and giving but has to learn to stand up for himself, which seems to be the central theme for me right now.
Went to the psychic fair…
The tarot cards read that I'm a big softy, need to learn to be firm for they are those who will bite the hand that feeds. Things will be fruitful and if I learn to be strong and stand up for myself I will achieve the things I want. Like I said this seems to be my theme. Sounds easy but I'm practising being soft spoken, to smile and be warm and radiate a good aura. So how does one stand up for one's self without hurting anyone and free from the admission of guilt.
The cards also say that I'm taking a step back and being more observant and that it is the perfect time for new beginnings in career/work/business ventures. Hmmm…I wonder…
Utterly enjoyed the whole video game style in which the movie is shot, the quirky characters…and the fact that the entire movie is seen through the eyes of Scott.
Fight for what you believe in strongly and you will evolve. Fight for yourself, your beliefs, face yourself and admit to your failures and you will not be a failure at all.
On the subject of video games…
Waited awhile for this since it was held back due to their participation in Comic Con. Alas the wait is over and now the wait “Kontinues” for the next episode which is rumoured to be the blind swordsman Kenshi.
Great so I’m sick…
Went to the psychic fair and got a reading again
So far it seems that I'm going to meet a tall, dark foreigner who is older than me all at the age of 30/33. I will eventually start a small business, travel a lot and my luck will eventually turn around but for now nothing much happens and there may appear to be a dark cloud lingering over me.
Let’s see what happens but for now it’s learn, learn, learn for me…
Captain America reminded me of being noble and unconditionally acting no matter…
Harry Potter reminds me of innocence, pure minded and being an all round loving being even during dire situations.
All in all seems that intent, loving and being good even if the days seem dark and only gets darker is how one should behave.
Spirited Away, rerun and still ever so imaginative and brilliant storytelling. Greed gets you nowhere and love brings good even when darkness is around the corner. Even the strongest of characters cannot break you down if your heart is pure.
Wore a blue t-shirt, not a big deal for some but epic for me…
Got beaten up…hmmm
So things decided to go down a landslide for me.
Bad: Beaten up by a mob of guys
Good: No scars, barely any bruises, in fact doesn't even look like I was attacked.
I am not missing out by not being part of the club culture.
Alcohol is pointless.
Controlling my moods, temper and mind no matter what the situation is, is vital
Learn how to be more assertive but not to lose control
Recognise what I'm feeling and what I really want is important to acknowledge
Intent plays a major role in speech and morality
So I was completely down and out but really grateful that by some miraculous way I was barely injured, almost absurdly unaffected by every punch or kick thrown my way. I hope to carry out what I have learnt from this situation and I am able to better myself and life from this point.
It seems this situation has brought me to another spiritual point in my life.
Just when I thought I could lie low for awhile…
Looks like there is no escape from karmic crutches
I got into a bit of an argument…a friend of mine feels that I waste my talents, not trying hard enough to get a new job because he feels I'm being abused at my current work place…that I should take days off even if I'm not really ill…and that my job does not promote my life to a point of further development
So where do I go from here…
Inventory
Mr X and I diminished…no love there
Got beaten up
Flat was broken into
Attempted break in again
Have to move house again
Got soccer punched by Mr G
Had an argument about my life
And I'm still smiling…
Lesson:
Learn to recognise what I'm feeling
Acknowledge it then deal with it
Be assertive without anger
Surround myself with better people
Do not judge or criticise others, do not speak ill of others, speak with love
Serve all, help all
Change perception, positive perception
Do not take others criticism badly but grateful for the opportunity to learn
Do not worry, trust in the process of life
Desire gets you know where
Exercising, meditating and still doing at least one thing differently each week.
Wore a blue t-shirt (as mentioned before)
Drank tea instead of coffee
Walked a different way to work
Entered my flat a different way when I got home from work
Seems minor and stupid but the book I'm reading says you could do something small and seemingly insignificant like drinking tea instead of coffee…
Another Epic Moment in Life
So it's Saturday and the venue I work at was temporarily shut down. Things got a little out of hand but I guess the obstacles induced were to iron out a more positive future and balance things out once more.
MASTER THE MIND AND BE A MASTER MIND – BABA
Yes, I have made lots of mistakes but I'm learning and trying my best. Learning to control my desires, urges and expectations is certainly the pathway to a happy mental state. You regain the fire that burns within by being detached. It allows you to love unconditionally and by doing so nobody can extinguish this fire within except you.
Music
I find this song gives me a certain amount of strength and power when I listen to it. Let us start with haunting voice of Marilyn Manson, which can be described as an old creaking door that’s been oiled, to a seductive, sexy velvet robe on skin that has been soaked in a warm bath.
The song is actually about conformity which generally seems to be the thread sewn through most Marilyn Manson songs.
It is stitched well together with what sounds like black woman singing out in a church-like fashion – “I don't like the drugs but the drugs like me”
Lyrics
I don't like the drugs but the drugs like me
I don't like the drugs, the drugs, the drugs
Norm life baby:
We're white and oh so hetero and
Our sex is missionary
Norm life baby:
We're quitters and we’re sober
Our confessions will be televised
You and I are under dosed and we're ready to fall
Raised to be stupid, taught to be nothing at all
We're taught to be nothing
I don't like the drugs but the drugs like me
I don't like the drugs, the drugs, the drugs
I don't like the drugs but the drugs like me
I don't like the drugs, the drugs, the drugs
Norm life baby:
God is white and unforgiving
We’re piss tested and we're praying
Norm life baby:
I’m just a sample of soul made to look just like a human being.
Norm life baby:
We're rehabbed and we're ready
For our 15 minutes of shame
Norm life baby:
We’re talk shown and we’re pointing
Just like Christians at a suicide
You and I are under dosed and we’re ready to fall
Raised to be stupid, taught to be nothing at all
We're taught to be nothing
I don't like the drugs but the drugs like me
I don't like the drugs, the drugs, the drugs x2
There’s a hole in our soul that we fill with dope
And we're feeling fine x 3
I don't like the drugs…
Movies
I don’t quite like the storyline but the acting was refreshing and I enjoyed the breaking-crucial-borders ending.
Love seems to win the day when we give without wanting in return.
Loads of side aching humour, absurdity and pure entertainment
I have to admit, I'm slightly drawn to Captain Hero J
My journey starts with the need for self improvement and ultimately happiness. Misery used to be my middle name to a point where I was starting to embrace the black thoughts and bathe in blood of the black cloak I was wearing. Soon to follow the lingering black cloud was the taste of the pretty one’s…drugs (no, not that kind of de de-de-druugggs). PROZAC will make it better. Soon after the medication that was more for your own protection, came the bitter after taste on the tongue. Yeah, I’m saying Prozac was seemingly the bridge but I wanted to burn that bridge, so I walked the path and went out…bravely on google. Researching for answers, googel-ing different questions and downloading books I wasn’t going to have time to read, until finally I stepped out into Musgrave Mall. Saw a copy of this book and decided to purchase it.
The title seemed to put me off. At first it appears to suggests deceptive ways or manipulation. But hey, “there is no knowledge that is not power. So I gave the book a try on the basis of wanting to understand how the mind works. I did learn a great amount of info. Some of which I have already mentioned earlier in this blog. So ultimately the book was not so much about manipulation but rather understanding of the human psyche. I have already mentioned in earlier chapters some of the things that I am already practising from the book.
